The Right Choice

THE RIGHT CHOICE



It was Shekhar’s twenty seventh birthday. Not an immensely special occasion; the day was made worth remembering as he was also getting engaged that evening.

Rati and Shekhar had been in love for five long years before they finally decided to be man and wife. It had been more of his decision, but she hardly cared; Shekhar was always correct. He knew what was best for them.

There was food and wine. And friends.

“Preru, I hope you are not feeling uncomfortable. I know that you don’t like attending parties, but you do understand why I wanted you to come,” Rati explained apologetically.

Prerna knew exactly what she meant to Rati, but some things are better left unsaid.

“May I interrupt you pretty ladies. And by your kind permission ma’am, can I have a dance with my fiancée?”

“Ya sure Shekhar, she’s all yours.” Prerna threw a meaningful nod to Rati and nudged her. Rati gave way to her man’s urges and stood up hesitantly, and was led to the dance floor.

The evening soon came to an end, and as both friends stood at the doorway, Rati gave her usual meek smile.

“See you soon, you have to help me out, remember?”

“Anytime dear,” Prerna replied waving as she moved towards her car. Rati stood there for long seeing her friend get into the car, start the ignition and disappear round the corner.

When she turned, Shekhar was standing right there and instantly took her in his arms.

“Finally mine.”

“Did I ever belong to myself,” she sighed, feeling sick of the smell of alcohol.




“Hey honey, what about making me a cup of coffee. Your parents are not at home to mind that,” Shekhar winked as Rati was about to get out of the car.

“Shekhar, I think you need a good night’s sleep. See you on Saturday.” She got down, waved and paced up her steps towards her apartment before he could say anything. Her head was reeling from the evening’s celebration.




Late that night as the would be bride sat in front of the mirror combing her long tresses, she stared intently at herself. “Is there something wrong with me?” she wondered. Any other girl would have danced with glee today. Rati had waited all her life for this special day when she would have the man of her dreams escort her to his world. Yet today, when she had everything life could possibly gift her, she was feeling so lonely. Why did it seem as if life had lost all meaning.




“Hey Ratus. What are you doing this evening? Let’s go for a movie, have dinner together and chat. You’ll be officially Shekhar’s in a few weeks. Let’s make the most of your independence.”

“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you Prerna, since that night. Where on earth have you been dear? You know how much I depend on you, and need you,” Rati cried.

“I know that sweetheart,” consoled Prerna.

“Okay then, I’ll be at your place by seven. See ya!”




Rati couldn’t hide her smile that unintentionally kept popping up every now and then the whole day. Her colleagues winked at her, her boss nodded understandingly.

“Must be meeting Shekhar this evening. Poor girl, can’t stop blushing.”

She overheard all comments and only wished could tell them that they were all so wrong.




“Rati, what’s up with you? I have been trying your number since morning,” Shekhar sounded frustrated.

“Oh Shekhar, was in a meeting dear. Well, you know what, this evening I am…”

“Ya this evening,” he interrupted even before she could finish, “we are going to Abhay’s place. All my friends are coming. I want you to meet them before we get married.”

“But Shekhar, why do you want me to meet them. You go ahead. It’s unnecessary and I am not comfortable with the idea.”

“Because I want everyone to know that I’m marrying the most beautiful girl on earth, and how much I love her.”

“It’s personal, Shekhar,” she pleaded.

“Not anymore honey. Now don’t argue and be ready on time.”

“I have an appointment.”

“No other engagements for the evening, understand. It’s important. I wonder why you refuse to understand such simple things.”




“I knew you would do this, like always. I should have understood that I am a nobody in your life,” Prerna was disappointed.

“Prerna you know that’s so untrue.”

“Stop it Rati. The truth is that you are his slave and shall forever remain so. So be happy with Shekhar.”




Prerna slammed the receiver, Rati sat back on her chair. Life had left her stranded at a crossroad. She had always believed that Prerna understood her, and Shekhar loved her. Today both relationships, that mattered most to her, somehow had betrayed her. Whom should she blame? Shekhar, who controlled her life ( maybe she allowed him to do so as Prerna said ), or Prerna, whom she blindly trusted and depended on. Or maybe herself for having loved them. She was left with nothing. Rati decided to let life lead her to its ultimate destiny. But when was the last time she had taken a decision for herself, she wondered. Life had given her all it possibly could. It probably had nothing left to offer her, no love, no strength, no dreams.




As she waited for Shekhar to turn up, Rati looked around at the people enjoying their Sunday. Were they really as happy as they appeared to be, or were merely pretending, she wondered.

“Am I really a slave as Prerna says? Slave not to a person, but to my weakness, to my inability to express and assert myself. How do some people manage to do that? I wonder how they know what they want of life. I don’t even know whether this life wants me or not. Am I a burden on this earth? Does anyone feel as barren as I do?”

“Hello sleeping beauty, dreaming again? You were thinking about me, right?” Shekhar interrupted her thoughts. “Now shall we head for the theatre? Your mom must be waiting for us.”




“I have work to do, Rati. Will you please not depend on me for your shopping,” Shekhar was getting irritated. How could Rati be so childish.

“But Shekhar, you promised we’ll do that together. It’s for our wedding.”

“Grow up Rati. You know I can’t leave my work. I have to get all the files completed in a week so I can take a fortnight leave for the wedding. And I have my friends to meet as well.”

“I thought I was at least more of a priority than your friends.”

“Sure you are sugar pie. But you are so possessive that once we have tied the knot, you will not let me meet them.”

“You’re so wrong, Shekhar. Wish you would understand me.”

“Don’t start it all over again. This has become your favourite subject of discussion. Will call you later. Take care.” Shekhar kept down the receiver without waiting for a reply.




That had of course become the topic of discussion since Prerna mailed her a week back that she could not make it to the wedding due to unavoidable circumstances. Rati understood everything just too well.

“She must be actually very busy Rati, grow up.” Shekhar had casually said when he saw her crying over this minor issue.




“Ma you think I should marry Shekhar?”

“What’s wrong dear? You have been abnormally sad these days. You are going to get married to someone you love, and who understands you.”

“Don’t you think Ma, that it’s better to marry someone you don’t know at all? I mean an arranged marriage. At least you don’t have any expectations then.”

“I had told you that. Remember? That’s why your papa and I are still so much in love. But you were insistent and forced us to relent.”

“Ma but you don’t understand.”

“Oh Rati, not again baccha. Shekhar is a good boy. You will be happy with him. Or if you have really changed your mind, then there are many eligible bachelors still in line to wed you. Think before it’s too late.”

“Are you serious?”

“Why not dear.” Ma left the room giggling to herself.




“Shekhar can you please meet me, today, at Imperial Restaurant. It’s important.”

“Hey love, I know you are getting impatient. Just another day for the wedding. And by the way, we are not supposed to see each other. You are aware of that, aren’t you? If somebody comes to know about it, there will be real problem.”

“I’ll wait for you,” Rati disconnected the phone.




“Shekhar, I really love you.”

“I know that sweetie. You don’t need to tell me this. Just a few more hours and we’ll be together for the rest of our lives.”

“I don’t know about the rest of my life and where it will lead to. Now can I please complete what I have come here to say?”

“Sure.” Shekhar was taken aback. Rati had never spoken to him this way.

“Shekhar, after all these years together, I’ve realised that I have not been able to reveal myself to you. Maybe it was my mistake. I am sorry for expecting you to understand me when I never made an effort to help you do so. I thought our relationship is a personal affair, that’s what you made me believe. I had never imagined that I would belong not only to you, but to every person who is a part of your life. Don’t ever think I love you any less than I did; it’s just that I have finally understood myself. Finally realised that it is important to first love oneself, which I never did. That’s how you and Prerna are. I’m indebted to you for making me aware of this reality.”

As Shekhar sat there speechless, Rati took off her engagement ring and placed it in front of her fiancé. And before he could stop her or utter a response, she kissed him for the last time and was out of the restaurant, running towards her car, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was now officially a loner. She could now belong to herself. But then, she had never wanted to belong to herself, but to be owned by those she loved. She did not want to rid herself of all relations, all bonding, her self imposed slavery. Why was her life so paradoxical? Why was she feeling so unhappy, even after she had done what seemed to be the most correct thing to do? What Prerna had always wanted her to do.

Today she had nobody with her, neither Shekhar nor Prerna. For whom should she continue to live. For herself? She couldn’t. She was not like them. She was incapable of leading a life that would belong only to herself; and it was too late now to get back those relationships that were lost to her. It would mean losing herself yet again.




“Here comes the would be bride.” sighed Purnamasi.

“Beta you are not supposed to venture out of the house the day before you are to get married,” added grandma.

“The younger generation does not understand all this Bua, now don’t be so orthodox,” reacted another aunt.

“Rati, come sit here and sing a song for us dear,” her mother pleaded.

“Yes ma, I’ll just come.” Saying so Rati climbed the stairs to her room.




Once in her den, Rati locked the door.

She carefully opened her drawer, and took out something that had been lying there neglected, ever since she had received it as a kid. Her grandfather had always wanted Rati to be a well brought up girl. But somehow she had never had felt the need to use it to slice fruits before having them.

As Rati lay down on her bed, her entire life reappeared in front of her. How carefree and happy she used to be as a young girl. Her journey from an adorable child to a beautiful woman, came back to her. The woman’s long journey was finally over. Rati stared aimlessly at the fan rotating above her head.

“I am tired ma. Tired of leading my life other’s way. And am too timid to be able to lead it my way. I don’t want to, and I can’t Prerna. Forgive me Prerna, forgive me Shekhar. I don’t want to hurt you, but if I don’t go today, I’ll be responsible for your tears for the rest of my life. And I can’t allow myself to do that. Forgive me. Please forgive me.”

Rati closed her eyes. Oblivious of the pain engulfing her. It was absorbing her into the deeper realms of liberation. She was free at last. Free of all bondage that had chained her to the ground. Freedom from all commitments, all responsibilities, all fears, and the mortal self that had forced her to live for so long. As she lay there on her bed, soaking in the newly acquired freedom, Rati felt herself being released of all her pains, all sorrows, and her life.


Diana Banik