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November 23, 2012

To my bruised soul,

I know you are broken. And it shreds your skin and makes you bleed. I know you want to be held tightly; to be hummed so you can sleep. You need someone who will hold you to his bosom as you sleep and will still be looking over you when you rise. Someone who will tell you its ok you faltered, its ok you failed.

I know your knees are bruised and you can’t walk. You have taken shelter from the storm roaring inside you as well as outside. But it will be long before the day breaks again.

You have stepped off the road yet again. Yet again you have let go of your dreams; the destination now farther than ever before. You want to be strong I know, but deep within I know how much you cry. How confident and yet so uncertain you are.

I know you don’t want to walk alone; you need a hand to hold. But you never had one anyway. I do not know what to say to you for I know not what is to come. I cannot assure you a companion to sit by you and journey with you, nor should I foretell (though it may be true) that you have to cover the distance alone.

Each passing day, the pain emanates from you and fills me up. So hard I try to smile, to look good and be alive. To whom can I show your wounds? It is still dark, dingy and frightening inside; all streaks of day long disappeared. I want to carry thee to the light that once was, out of this dungeon, for I don’t have much time before you cease to be.

Yours faithfully

The Unreal Being

They all believe I know not what I want of life. I am a confused, over sensitive, self assertive and immature individual. So they love to think about me. No one stands by me, holds my hand and lets me cry. No one lets me laugh either.

I am the books and movies incarnate that they all say one should only read, watch and forget. Because I am unreal.

I am the believer who they hate to believe in because so strong are my beliefs. I am the philosopher they despise because I question their thoughts. Am the free spirited person they condemn to be caged ‘cause I teach them how to dream, live and love.

They understand me not and so I tread alone. As Shams Tabrizi says, am alone in a crowd and also alone in a secluded room. They do not hear me and so much I talk.

All these years of my life, I have let them rule over me, mock me, humiliate me and pity me. They have invariably rebuked me and irrevocably bruised me. I carry each scar deep within me. Faltering and bleeding, incessantly praying and stutteringly chanting His name, here I have reached. I am not going to raise my hands again in want of anything from them again; their acceptance and love I need not anymore. Only Him am I to believe in now and only Him I am going to seek – my happiness, peace, my life and my love.

Have I ever told you about him...he is not the love of my life; he is life personified. He is my joy, fulfilment and bliss. Every tear down my cheek and every word I utter. He is why I wake up in the morning and why I lie awake at night beside him to see him sleep. He is my every emotion, expression, action and reaction. He is the reason; the will. The journey to the destination. And the destination is him.

I do not love him; I live him. He is within me and also outside. He is the answer to my every prayer. It is for him I have waited all my life.

His every word has caressed me. Every touch made me alive. He has seduced me to surrender, but I am already lost in him. A belief keeps me going. And he is the belief. The faith that I exist. He can undo every wrong. Can bring me back from death.

It is him I believe in. It is him I worship. I have never cursed anyone more than him, because he is me. He belongs to me and I am his to claim. Nothing exists apart from him. Everything else is misery. His arms is where I want to be; hiding, secure, away, aloof from the world. In his arms I find meaning. In him I have discovered myself.

I want to walk with him. When he leaves my hand, I stand motionless and dead, right there, waiting for him to come to me again, hold me to him again, teach me to walk again. And as we walk, I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes. He will take me to where we belong and we will dwell there forever, just him and me; till eternity.